Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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