New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
