Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
