I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
