Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
