If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
