Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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