ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
