Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
