Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
