Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
