everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
