I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
pray to the hookup gods
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
