I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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