she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
