don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
