I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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