at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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