i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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