You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
