Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
