This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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