Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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