after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
