Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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