well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The air was thick with penises
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
