I'm eating all of the evidence.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
