You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
