just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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