I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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