I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
