Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
