I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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