I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
