That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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