So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
