What did we do last night that was yellow?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
