His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize