I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As shirtless as possible
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
