six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
