dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
