ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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