As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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