and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
