I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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