my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
