Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
