you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
