now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i love accidental penises.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
