I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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