I want to have your abortion
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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