I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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