I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
