is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
